Change can be a public rallying cry, but it is also intensely intimate. You can’t make change without getting personally involved. You can’t experience change without allowing it to wash over you and leave you…well…changed.
This June my two children will graduate high school, and we had planned on moving out of Arlington at that point because it is so expensive to buy here. So last fall we began looking out west of metro DC for a lot on which to build a house. We had always built, and we were ready to do so again. Something not as big as we were used to, but with enough room so when the kids came home from college they had a place to stay.
Wrinkle #1: my son has opted to start his college career at the local community college and live at home.
Wrinkle #2: my parents can no longer live on their own, and as the eldest son they looked to me for help.
Wrinkle #3: building a new home with a separate in-law’s residence got pricey really quick.
So after a few months of looking at lots that were either too big or needed to be completely developed, we decided to start looking at existing homes. We looked and we looked and we looked, and then we looked some more. Finally we found a house that was larger than anything we had ever owned before and would give us the space and the privacy to have my parents and our kids live with us as needed. That addressed the wrinkles, but not the challenges of change. Now the real work begins…
Challenge #1: many trips to my parents home in Toms River, New Jersey to help them clean out years and years of things they collected and decide what they would bring. Lots of difficult conversations with the final criterion being if there was any room for the item in question in the new place. Downsizing is hard.
Challenge #2: getting my parents home repaired, cleaned up and ready to go on the market. Since I can’t be there all the time, it has been a slow process. They had hoped to have their house on the market by mid-March and they are now shooting for mid-April. The hope is they can move down free and clear of that house this summer.
Challenge #3: negotiating the ground rules for my less-than-neatnick parents moving in and living with my everything-must-be-in-its-place wife. I have had more discussions with all parties involved, separately and together, than Kissinger in Cairo, in the hopes of establishing clear boundaries and avoiding misunderstandings up front.
Challenge #4: knowing that there will be more difficult discussions that lie ahead, about health and estates and final plans. Not that those discussions haven’t already started, but actually having to make those decisions when the time comes will be that much harder.
Challenge #5: it has always been my desire to return home and retire in Maine, and taking on these responsibilities at this point in time makes cloudy the timeline for that happening. But I know that my entire life experience has shown me that it will work out and I will realize my own happiness in time.
My point is, who would sign up for this? I would have to be crazy to take on all of this just as my children are (at least in theory) launching and I have my own plans and dreams for how I want to live my life in the years to come. In a vacuum, yes, I would have to be crazy.
This is how change operates. You can’t experience change if you refuse to accept the hardships and responsibilities life first presents you. Sure I could look for someone else to take care of my parents at this point in their lives. It would certainly be easier on me. The changes I am about to undergo would pass by me…and yes I keep second-guessing whether I’m up for these changes!
But I will take on these responsibilities and challenges and make good choices on a daily basis for everyone involved, including myself. It won’t be easy. I won’t always like it. But if I want to see change in the world, the kind of change I often write about, then I need to walk that talk in my own life, as difficult as that may be at times.
Because after I have done right by my children and my parents, and after I have moved on from this extra-large house I have acquired in order to do so, I will fulfill my own dream of moving to Maine and enjoying the rest of my life on that beautiful, rugged, rocky coast. I will have earned it because I have met my responsibility to make change in this world, and I will enjoy every minute of it knowing that the world is a better place because of the choices I made. And in the big picture, I still have time to realize my own happiness when my work is done.
I share all this with you to say, change starts at a very personal level. How can you be faithful to the change you can make in this world, as uncomfortable as it may be to look past your own self-interest? What have you been avoiding, both personally and professionally, that you know is not what you would choose for yourself, but will make a huge difference for the collective good? You can allow change to wash over you, as unfamiliar and uncertain as it may feel, and you will be okay. Your path may deviate from where you thought your journey was headed, but in the end you will still have time to reach your desired destination.
The other option is to stay on the path you want and prefer, and allow the world to continue to stay on its current path, as well. But if you have ever complained about the state of affairs in the world, or if you have ever hoped or asked for change, is that an option? You can’t ask for or expect change if you aren’t willing to live up to what it requires of you yourself.
So as you look around and identify the changes you want for this world, be sure you factor yourself into the equation. You want change? Change this!
Walter’s blog archive: http://surfaquarium.com/blog.htm
Mirror site: http://surfaquarium.blogspot.com/
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